went to the hospital again last night. Got another ultrasound. Turns out my complex cyst ruptured and the fluid is just floating around and it’s extremely painful. And it is. At the hospital they gave me a bunch of IV drugs and then some oxycodone for home. Sadly none of them are as strong as I would have desired. I think I just have too high of a tolerance for being high, even though I only take painkillers when I need them.
So I wait a few days and see what happens.
I know I’ve been the biggest most frustrating annoying whiny bitch during this whole thing. It’s been like non stop PMS. So thanks to my boyfriend who has been taking the brunt of it. You deserve many certificates with WordArt on them.
I really want to see Bryn but now is such an awful time.. I miss her, she’s one of my few friends, and I don’t know when I will get to see her again… I just wish we could do crazy stuff like smoke weed on the boardwalk, go to cowboys, run around town, go shopping, go ice skating… If I was feeling better all three of us could go to lauberge later today and ice skate. FUCK!
also I have to figure out what do to about my job.. I need to get my check, return their things, and explain myself… The only thing I can think of to do is to ask someone to do it for me but I have a feeling that nobody will. But I usually don’t even correspond. This would be a baby step. I just can’t handle the humiliation and judgement of facing it myself. I feel like if I showed my face and told them it was because I’m too sick that wouldn’t jive.
I wish I could still keep working there but I’m pretty sure that won’t happen. I need a full time job anyway, or else I will have constant anxiety about money.
Seriously, this ovary shit is the worst.
Every little thing makes me fucking frustrated/irritated/furious. Like when I’m on my period.
I almost threw my phone against the wall earlier.
My life is an absolute mess right now.
I know it’s not impossible for it to improve, it just seems so far away. And like with my cysts, waiting is just causing me pain, making me angry, and slowly killing my spirit.
It’s been so long since I’ve been able to figure out anything that works out for me. I just want to make money and not hate what I do so my boyfriend and I can have a better life.
I remember being a teenager and thinking it was just awful. Ha! I was so wrong.